Cracks and All: Finding Grace in a Messy Christmas

We are women who try to do it all, right?

Have you ever felt completely exhausted during the holidays? Like no matter how hard you try, something always goes wrong - the decorations aren’t perfect, the gifts just don’t feel enough, and the family dynamics weigh us down. Sometimes, you get a cold during the busy season so you’re not able to shop, and the list goes on and on…

But, there are a lot of other issues that can weigh heavy on our hearts. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the pressure to create a picture-perfect celebration can leave us just feeling crushed.

Social media really doesn’t help; we see those flawless, Instagram homes, beautifully staged tables, and they make us feel like we’re totally falling short. Then, throw in real life…maybe you’re grieving someone you’ve lost in the last year, your family looks different due to divorce, or maybe there’s sadness about kids splitting their time between mom and dad and the in-laws.

Maybe finances are tight, and you just wonder how you’re going to make Christmas magical when you can’t even make ends meet. Maybe you’re just tired. You could be emotionally or spiritually broken in ways that no one else can see. We all appear beautifully on the outside to people who don’t really see what’s on the inside. If that’s you, please hear this truth: the Lord said He’s near to those who are broken. If you have a broken heart, know He saves those with a crushed spirit. (Psalm 34:18) You’re not alone because God sees you, and He is close to all of us in our brokenness.

As women, we seem to carry the heaviest loads during Christmas, juggling work deadlines, family responsibilities, and church activities. We want to keep up with our friends. We’re planning menus and shopping for gifts. We’re decorating homes, wrapping presents, and trying to make every moment magical. We want to create warm memories and keep traditions alive. But, somewhere in the chaos, we tend to lose ourselves. Our hearts are stretched thin but we still want to be everything to every person in our lives - an attentive wife, faithful church servant, perfect mother, etc. Sometimes, when we try to do it all, we end up neglecting the most important thing: our relationship with Jesus.

We don’t read our Bibles, we’re not journaling, we’re not keeping up with Bible studies, and we’re not praying like we should. We’re so busy preparing for Christmas that we often forget what Christmas is really all about. The heartbreaking irony is that sometimes in our attempt to celebrate the birth of our Savior, we’re ignoring the Savior himself. Christmas is not about Christmas, it's about the presence of Jesus.

Creativity runs deep in our family; my mom was a jewelry designer, my grandmother an artist who made and painted porcelain dolls. She designed one for each of her grand-daughters and, for some reason, I got two. One was a little boy doll and one was a little girl doll. My little girl doll sits on a small wicker chair in my dressing room, high atop a shelf where I can look at her but rarely take her down. The little boy doll only comes out once a year. Because it’s Christmastime, I pull out this baby boy, swaddle him in a white blanket that was probably one of my son's, and place him in a wooden manager that sits in our great room. He really is the centerpiece of our Christmas traditions.

Last year, I decided that my four-year-old granddaughter was big enough to hold both of these dolls. As little girls do when they’re playing mommy, she held the dolls together so they could give each other a hug and a kiss. I was thrilled to watch her play because I felt like she was experiencing a special connection to her grandmothers. Then, all of a sudden, I heard a crash. It was the high-pitched sound of bone china breaking. I was devastated.

I ran to where she was playing and she was crying, then I started crying which just made her cry more. It wasn’t a small crack, it was a huge crack. My daughter-in-law eventually glued him back together but the scar was so obvious across his forehead and scalp. He was cracked all over. What could I do? I pulled out a sport sock and put it on his head like a warm hat. At least it could cover his wound.

But, as I looked at him, something shifted in me. Christmas isn’t about perfection. It’s not about having everything in place, everything at the right angle, and the right colors. It’s truly about love. It’s about grace. It’s about redemption. It’s about a Savior who entered a broken world, not to make it flawless, but to make it whole. Aaron Hall says, “God’s grace is a champion of imperfection”. And I think a person like me, a perfectionist, needed to be reminded of that. 

That little doll became my reminder that beauty can exist in all this brokenness. Even when life feels shattered, God’s love covers us, just like the little hat made from a sock.

To encourage you to pursue a Christmas that is more holy and less rushed, here are 10 steps you can take this month:

1. Start every day with prayer. If even for just five minutes, center your heart on Christ at the beginning of your day. It will make a big difference.
2. Read a chapter of Luke each day. It you read one chapter each day, you’ll have read all 24 chapters by Christmas Eve. 
3. Simplify gift giving. Focus on meaningful gifts; quality over quantity. This year, we’ve decided the grandchildren will receive gifts and the rest of us will enjoy spending time together playing a game that requires us each to bring just one, nice gift.
4. Say ‘no’ to extra events. Before you respond to an invitation with an energetic, “I’ll be there!”, say “I’m going to need to check my calendar.” Commit to not over-scheduling. You’re protecting more than your time; you’re protecting your peace and family time. 
5. Create a worship playlist. It will fill your home with the Glory of God. Regular podcasts and popular music take a break and it creates an atmosphere that says, “This is a different season”.
6. Light an advent candle. Signify the light and warmth of Jesus in your home with the glow of a candle.
7. Write down 3 blessings every day. What if you woke up tomorrow morning and only had the things that you thanked God for yesterday? 
8. Serve someone in need. A meal or simple act of kindness goes a long way. Mother Teresa said, “It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you”.
9. Read the Christmas story aloud. Little ones’ curiosity is peaked and it provides opportunities for deeper conversations.
10. Post with intention. We live in an Instagram-perfect world so ask yourself why you are posting before you do - is it to glorify God, or am I just falling into the trap of comparing myself to others and feeding my own insecurities? Take a break if you need to this month. 

Forget about the flawless decor, the perfectly coordinated outfits, and making sure to attend all the parties. The true miracle of Christmas isn’t the perfect plans. It’s about a God who loves us, cracks and all. Put the pressure to be perfect aside, and start embracing life and Christmas as it is, if even a little messy. My little “Baby Jesus” is a reminder that he came to cover our wounds and that, even when life feels shattered, He is the One who can make something beautiful out of our broken pieces. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. These, oh God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17).

Dear Lord, I pray that during this holy Christmas season, you would give us a new heart and a new perspective. Take our minds out of this world, filled with “Hallmark” Christmas aspirations, and help us rest in the words of Isaiah 61:3 “The Lord will give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of grace for a spirit of heaviness, so that we may all glorify Jesus." In His Name, Amen

Laurie Fallucca is a certified Style by Color consultant in Fish Creek, Wisconsin. Learn more about her here.